All right, so I am not a magical therapist. I cannot make you choose between the red and blue or green pill. I do not have a psychology degree. I’m just a person who has gone through the same situations that everyone has gone through. I have come to the same conclusion as the rest. Why does it seem like I do not have control when it comes to controlling my life? Why was I repeating the same situations and going through the same motions? Why was I expecting a different outcome every time from the same person? Have I learned anything at all from life? Then I started to think. Like, think.  

I started thinking about when I had to accept others’ mishaps and faults. I said, “It’s okay, but don’t do it again.” “It’s okay”? What? Are you serious? Are you teaching me to accept abuse from others at an early age? As a parent, are you teaching me to take abuse from you and family members just because we are related? Come to think of it, when has a parent ever apologized to you as a child for something they were wrong for? “I am sorry I was wrong. I did not listen to you. You have a voice, and I should have listened.” Said no parent ever! Okay, just a couple.  

It is hard to accept one’s parents in that light. You know that parenting light. Where you say, “I’d never do that!” Yes, that light. The reality is that most would fit into that light just for the discipline alone. We were over-punished and physically abused. Based on the olden times of scolding a child and the outdated views of how children should behave and act. It is safe to say for everyone when I say hogwash! Whatever happened to plain old compassion and empathy? Where did your love and understanding go when I needed you to have it the most? How did you forget you were my age and do the same as I did? Why did you pretend you were better than me in every way instead of letting me know just how you related to me? How much we are alike. I am a part of you.

Many were bullies because they were our parents and could do whatever they wanted. They took their anger out on their extensions of themselves. You. Their offspring(s). With no regard to how they could fix their toxicity through you. They decided to continue that cycle and remain on autopilot. They were going through life, not thinking before they reacted. You know. The very thing they told us as children to do. Think before you act. Think before you speak. Once we accept homely abuse, we accept abuse from other family members. You made us hug that creepy-ass uncle. When the family gossiped about us, we knew about it. You never stood up to them and put them in their place.  

Growing up with toxic parents can be a challenging experience that can affect every aspect of your life. Toxic parents may be emotionally or physically abusive, neglectful, or excessively controlling. They may hurt your self-esteem, confidence, and mental health. However, surviving and overcoming the toxic reality of having poisonous parents is possible.  

It is sad when you seriously think about it. This horrible trait that you instilled in us. Which carried over into our friendships and relationships as we got old. As we started building those “bonds” for “life.” That acceptance of accepting the abuse begins to show in the people we choose to associate with and bond with. Who can all say their parents gave them the proper safe space to express themselves? The parents listened and related and made it better. Yes, there are parents like this that exist. Not that many, in any case. Parents. The reason we have trauma. The reason we struggle with many things. If they had known better, they would have done better. It is not an excuse to call your parents and cuss them out. You are an adult. That is in the past. Meaning it has happened and it will not change.  

The first step in surviving toxic parents is acknowledging their behavior is not your fault. Children often blame themselves for their parent’s behavior, but it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for their actions. Please recognize that you deserve respect and kindness and that their toxic behavior is unacceptable.  

It’s also essential to set boundaries and protect yourself from further harm. You may need to limit your interactions with toxic parents or cut them off entirely, depending on the severity of the situation. Seek support from a trusted friend, therapist, or support group, as they can provide you with the emotional and mental support you need to cope with the challenges of having toxic parents.  

Another essential step in surviving toxic parents is to develop a sense of self-worth and confidence. Toxic parents may have undermined your self-esteem, but it’s important to remember that you are valuable and deserving of love and respect. Surround yourself with positive people who appreciate you for who you are and celebrate your strengths and achievements.  

Additionally, it is helpful to practice self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or creative pursuits. Taking care of yourself can help you feel more empowered and capable of coping with the challenges of having toxic parents. You can change today, right now, and in the future. So, stay tuned for the rest of the Toxic series. First, I’ll go into other relationships we get involved in as we age. Then, I’ll give some starter points on starting the healing process and politely tell those folks to fly a kite with a key attached to it in a lightning storm. Respectfully.  

The toxic reality of having toxic parents is a harrowing experience that can have long-lasting effects on your mental and emotional well-being. However, surviving and overcoming this toxic environment is possible by acknowledging their behavior is not your fault, setting boundaries, seeking support, developing self-worth and confidence, and practicing self-care. Remember that you are worthy of love and respect and have the power to create a happy and fulfilling life for yourself.